Addiction, a demon that sucks the life out of its victim, many times without the victim recognizing what is happening. The aggressor, i.e. addiction, comes a little at a time and is somewhat hard to recognize, at first. By the time recognition takes place, it is in full force and hard to contain, much less overcome.
I believe everyone has some form of addictive traits within. The personal response to the demon is key to whether it is going to destroy character, or build character.
How can an addiction "build character" you ask? Well, to stand against such a monster takes a great deal of fortitude, stamina, courage and downright determination! Those are character traits that should be coveted by all. They are attainable, but only through trials, which many are not ready, nor willing, to stand against.
I am writing this blog because addiction has made a tremendous mark in the lives of myself and my family. There are many woes to report, not one victory as of yet, but I am still praying for deliverance. Deliverance from a disease that has had tremendous ramifications placed upon our family as a whole. A disease that has shaken us to our core. A disease in which all we can do is sit and watch, and pray. A disease that breaks my heart.
This demon has been raising its ugly head for about fifteen years, and now is a complete whirlwind around us, we believe catastropic destruction is approaching rapidly. As the storm becomes deeper, darker, and wider, we wait. What we are waiting on is unbeknown to each of us, but still we wait and watch. So many times we have thrown out the life raft, only to have it rejected and thrown back to us in total refusal. The storm has become even darker now, the winds stronger, and our hopes dashed upon the jagged rocks next to the shore, a shore where we wait with the waves lapping at our feet, unable to help.
Lies and deception are all a part of the victims as they desperately search for that next fix that allows them to keep their heads above the angry waves that are deperately trying to pull them under the current. The sad thing is the victims see themselves as swimming along and fail to see the storm that has engulfed them. Blindly they go, day by day, in a complete haze of disillusionment and paranoia that digs its claws even into the bystanders on the beach.
In the midst of the torrential rains that begin to pour down on the bystanders, a crowd approaches. Within the crowd are those that truly care about the bystanders and they offer their words of what they feel is help and encouragement. You hear shouts of, "Well, if it were me I would....", and "Let them drown...", also "Do away with them...". Each phrase spoken in true love of the bystanders, but not one of them have experienced their loved ones in the waves of the storm. At this, the bystanders shrink away and beg the crowd to disperse. The bystanders, at their own choosing, are then left to watch the storm, alone, because they feel no one cares or understands, and carries the shame without help.
Sleepless nights begin. There is a recognition of the the need for sleep, but the sleep that is attained is restless because the sound of the storm is still being heard, there is no escape. Tears fall and the heavy heart finds no relief.
Answers? I wish I had them. We search, no luck. The only answer is prayer.
The storm may not dissipate, the addiction may hang on, but there is a promise in which an Awesome God states, "I will never leave you, nor forsake you." One of the bystanders reminded me that we have to realize that "His grace is suficient for us all." I thought I understood what that meant, I am grasping a new understand within the storm. No matter what the storm brings, He is there and able to sustain me....if I only reach out and grab His hand.
I believe everyone has some form of addictive traits within. The personal response to the demon is key to whether it is going to destroy character, or build character.
How can an addiction "build character" you ask? Well, to stand against such a monster takes a great deal of fortitude, stamina, courage and downright determination! Those are character traits that should be coveted by all. They are attainable, but only through trials, which many are not ready, nor willing, to stand against.
I am writing this blog because addiction has made a tremendous mark in the lives of myself and my family. There are many woes to report, not one victory as of yet, but I am still praying for deliverance. Deliverance from a disease that has had tremendous ramifications placed upon our family as a whole. A disease that has shaken us to our core. A disease in which all we can do is sit and watch, and pray. A disease that breaks my heart.
This demon has been raising its ugly head for about fifteen years, and now is a complete whirlwind around us, we believe catastropic destruction is approaching rapidly. As the storm becomes deeper, darker, and wider, we wait. What we are waiting on is unbeknown to each of us, but still we wait and watch. So many times we have thrown out the life raft, only to have it rejected and thrown back to us in total refusal. The storm has become even darker now, the winds stronger, and our hopes dashed upon the jagged rocks next to the shore, a shore where we wait with the waves lapping at our feet, unable to help.
Lies and deception are all a part of the victims as they desperately search for that next fix that allows them to keep their heads above the angry waves that are deperately trying to pull them under the current. The sad thing is the victims see themselves as swimming along and fail to see the storm that has engulfed them. Blindly they go, day by day, in a complete haze of disillusionment and paranoia that digs its claws even into the bystanders on the beach.
In the midst of the torrential rains that begin to pour down on the bystanders, a crowd approaches. Within the crowd are those that truly care about the bystanders and they offer their words of what they feel is help and encouragement. You hear shouts of, "Well, if it were me I would....", and "Let them drown...", also "Do away with them...". Each phrase spoken in true love of the bystanders, but not one of them have experienced their loved ones in the waves of the storm. At this, the bystanders shrink away and beg the crowd to disperse. The bystanders, at their own choosing, are then left to watch the storm, alone, because they feel no one cares or understands, and carries the shame without help.
Sleepless nights begin. There is a recognition of the the need for sleep, but the sleep that is attained is restless because the sound of the storm is still being heard, there is no escape. Tears fall and the heavy heart finds no relief.
Answers? I wish I had them. We search, no luck. The only answer is prayer.
The storm may not dissipate, the addiction may hang on, but there is a promise in which an Awesome God states, "I will never leave you, nor forsake you." One of the bystanders reminded me that we have to realize that "His grace is suficient for us all." I thought I understood what that meant, I am grasping a new understand within the storm. No matter what the storm brings, He is there and able to sustain me....if I only reach out and grab His hand.
2 comments:
I am quitely drowning in my own addiction. I know there are other people out there that are also drowning, but addiction is a very shameful thing. I have tried many times to get help for my addiction, but I just haven't found the right lifesaver to grab onto. I know that God is with me or I wouldn't have survived as long as I have. Thank you for sharing your feelings and reaching out to find someone else to walk through the storm with.
bjean,
I want to encourage you not to drown in your addiction quietly. Call out to God LOUDLY and ask for His help. Don't drown in this without a fight! You have taken the first step in admitting your problem. I pray the members in my family that are struggling with this will one day admit and recognize their problem. FIGHT!
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